Thursday, 30 October 2014

我正式离婚了!

For english version, please click here

2014年10月23日 - 这天是我正式离婚法院已通过了终审判决。在这12年的婚姻,我有3个乖巧的孩。

到底发生了什么?
大多数人猜我因该有外遇。这链接近期业务的成功,列如 ExpressprintCOFFEE:NOWHERE, Setanapp 等...

你们都猜错了。不是所有的男人
成工和富裕后会开始有婚外情。至少,我并没有,也从没有过这样的念头。如果你按照我的博客或Facebook,你会发现,其实,我是一个很无趣的人。在我4000多天的婚姻,我的日程是工作 - 家庭 - 睡眠(重复)。

我不是出身富贵。但是我的妻子依然选择和我在一起吃苦。那时,我还负载累累。尽管如此,她仍然鼓励我,精打细算把每一个花费减到最少。她依然站在我身旁。她嫁给我时,她只有18岁,我才22岁。 尽管她的父母强烈反对,但心软的她执着也就成全了我们。我们终于在2001年8月8日结婚了。


为了这个家,她放弃了她的社交于生活,尽心尽力把这头家大理好,以及照顾那3个孩子。她从没有抱怨,没有牢骚,就一直使命的把本份做好。而我呢,总是忙于工作。我承认我过度忙碌。我忽略了她和家人。这也许是我私下所誓言的效果。我发誓要给她最好的,不让她在承受艰难的生活和我在一起。我要带给她丰盈的财富。我想整个局面得到扭转。我费尽所有的体力和精力,来实现它。就这样,我对成功产生了无形中的崇拜和渴望。

在这些年在我的职业生涯飙升。她仍然忠实于我,每天在家耐心地等候我的归来。说实在的,她真的没有抱怨。这可见她对我是多么有爱心及关怀。她的付出换回来的总是一个生气和暴躁的丈夫。我的公婆和家庭成员曾多次的提醒我,但我却把他们说的话当耳边风吧。我想我变得骄傲自满因为我许下的誓言慢慢实现了。我以为金钱可以带给她更多的幸福和快乐。我也终于可以证明那些早期鄙视她和我在一起的人。她对我付出情爱,我却无以相对。反而,它变成为对我来说是充满挑战的环境。我渴望成功,更大的成功,并成为过度沉迷于它。
 

我错了。大错特错。她不稀罕我的成功和金钱。事实上,我越爬的越高,她便失去了更多的安全感。像AR Bernard(伯纳德)博士说,女人只需要从一个男人大部分人挣扎在生活中三件事果断性,一致性和力量在这里阅读更多果断的男人带来的安全感和保证。一致和力量会带给妻子安全感。   

这三点我都给不到,真失败。她对我的爱步路井底,但我没有注意到。

2012年7月,我们有激烈的争论,并在气头上,我要求离婚,我无意的。她同意了,几乎立即离开。还有就是从那时起没有回头路可走。我后悔我的行为。我想赢回她的心。尝试了各种形式的方法但全都没用。 尽管一年后多的尝试,她还是坚决离婚的决定。这种痛苦是如此如此难受。在那期间,我陷入抑郁,也想过自杀。我接受了长期辅导之后,我接受了现实,是时候让她脱离了。这可能是我给她最好的礼物“自由”。这是一个和平离婚。她只要求得到她应得的,而我会承担3个孩子抚养权。我知道,这些孩子们和我一起可能意味着我从此没法有第二段感情。这是题外话,我想让她完完全全得到自由,希望她以后能找到幸福。

现在是时候继续往前进。当一个人有某种形式的成功(加上我长相还不错),这自然吸引了不少女生。事实上,我遇到了很多。在这一段时间里,我拒绝了许多。我只是想留忠于她,直到我们之间的关系结束的最后一天。

2014年7月23日当天,法院批准了我们的离婚申请,随后三个月的冷静期才正式“离婚”。我很高兴和自豪地说,我做到了。在婚姻的整个任期内,我仍然忠实和真实的对待她一个人。

对我3个可爱的孩子:
对不起。爸爸没有给你一个完整的家庭。不过别担心,我不会离开,也不丢弃你们的。 你们都是我的宝贝和支持。给爸爸多一个机会,我错过了你的成长过程中,我不会再错过你的过渡。我想看看你过你的大学,进入军队,有你的事业,恋爱,结婚和有孩子。不要因为我的婚姻失败成为你的恐惧。爸爸和妈妈还是爱你们的。只是,我们不能在在一起了。在此相反,爸爸还是信任有爱,渴望爱,也还是会
再次进入婚姻。然而,你们是成就是我的首要任务。没有人能取代你们。我保证,如果我的新伴侣不能接受你们,我将结束那段感情。因为我爱你。”

我在之前的婚姻犯了数不清的错误。我不完美她也一样。我们结婚从来没有打算离婚。我很高兴,这整个婚姻旅程在和平与相互尊重的协议结束。

我成熟和成长。我学到了很多。我也感谢牧师和朋友们牺牲自己的时间和我在一起。我想特别提一下
Ps Yock Kiang, Ps Kenneth, Ryan, Daniel, Gwen, Shane, James, Genecia, Darryl 和更多过我朋友。我很感激​​。如果没有你们,我不可能支撑到现在。感谢您对我的信任和鼓励。


已经2年了。我有一段不完美的经历。我不会隐瞒也不会否认这段经历。如果我的新伴侣爱我,她也会接受我的过去。我们的希望是在未来。

对于类似和我困境一样的朋友,不要绝望。我明白这种感觉。看来,世界是坚硬的压着你,似乎没有任何扭转的方式。如果你爱她,不管她有没有回应,继续努力,永不放弃。她只需要那一秒爱上你。这一秒随时到来。

对于我未来的伴侣(不管是谁),感谢您接受我。我想让你知道,你不是代替者也不是我的救生圈。我爱你因为你是你。

至于我自己,有3个孩子和一段失败的感情并不使我成为第二等公民。它只是意味着,我愿意承担责任,也愿意接受抚养孩子们。我不以为耻,我也不会允许任何人同情我的孩子。其实,我应该为自己感到骄傲这一点。

我感谢神的恩典和怜悯。

如果你喜欢分享,欢迎你给我留下评论。但不要批评或判断。请记住,你不是当事人。

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Yes, it's official.

阅读华语版,请点入
 
23 Oct 2014 - This is the day where my divorce is finalized. The court has passed the final judgement. Yes, I am officially divorced after 12 years of marriage and having 3 beautiful children.

So, what really happened?
10 out of 10 guessed I have affair owing to the recent business success such as Expressprint, Coffee Nowhere, Setanapp, etc...

No, you made a wrong guess. Not all men starts affair when they became rich and affluent. At least this does not apply to me. If you have followed my blog or Facebook, you will realize that in fact, I am a very boring person. My schedule is work - home - sleep (repeat) for over 4000 days in the marriage. 

I am not born rich. My wife choose to be with me and suffer with me in the beginning when I have nothing PLUS a surprise bonus of debts (yes, I kept my debts from her). Still, she continued to encourage me, scrimp and save on every possibility, and standing by me. She married me when she is just 18 and I am 22. Her parents objected but relented on her persistent. We married on 08.08.2001. 

In this marriage, she gave up her life to serve the household, taking care of the chores and wonderfully bringing up the 3 kids. No complain, no grumbling. While me, always busy with work. I admit I overworked. I neglected her and the family. That's the effect of inner vows I made. I vowed to give her the best, not allowing her to suffer with me, bringing abundance of wealth. I want the entire situation to be reversed. I worked my heart, with all the strength and energy I can gather to achieve it. I am blinded by success and objective. Overboarded!

And yet, in those years where my career rocketed, she remain faithful to me, waiting patiently at home for my return from work. Really, she have no complain. This is how caring and committed she was. But in return, she got back an always angry man, unappreciated and hot tempered. I was repeatedly reminded by my in-laws and my family member but turned a deaf ears to it. I guess I became overly proud that my vow is realising. I thought money can give and buy her happiness. I can finally show those who despised her in her choice to be with me that she is right about me. Instead of reciprocating her love for me with love, it became a challenging environment for me. I yearned for success, more success and became overly obsessed with it. 

No. I am wrong. Totally wrong. She doesn't want my success and money. In fact, the higher I climb, she loses more security in me. Like what Dr AR Bernard says, woman only require 3 things from a man which most man struggles in life "decisiveness, consistency and strength.” (Read more here)
Decisiveness in a man brings security and assurance to the heart of the woman that follows him, Bernard explained. A reasonable degree of consistency would give the wife security and strength that is demonstrated in his gentleness gives the same security.

I failed in all these. I gave her no security at all. Her love for me went into the red and yet I did not notice.

July 2012, we have a heated argument and in a fit of anger, I asked for divorce which I have no intention to. She agreed  and leave almost immediately. There was no turning back since then. I regretted my action. I wanted to win her back. Tried all forms of methods. All do not work. After 1 year plus of tries, she maintained her decision on divorce. The pain is so unbearable to me. At one point of time, i slipped into depression, considered suicide, etc... after prolonged period and counseling sessions, I accepted reality and guess, it's time to let her go. This could be the best gift I ever give her "freedom". It is an amicable divorce. She wanted only her portion of shares in the house and I will take custody of the 3 kids. And I know that I know that I know, having these kids with me could mean the end of any new possible relationship. That's beside the point, I want her to be free of all and hopefully she can find happiness thereafter. 

It's time to move on. When a guy have some form of success (plus I do not look that bad? ), it naturally attracted a lot of women. In fact, I met a lot. During these period of time, I rejected and refused many new possible relationships. I just wanted to stay faithful to her till the last day of our relationship. 

23 July 2014 was the day the court approved of our divorce followed by 3 months of cooling period before officially "done". I am glad and proud to say that, I did it. During the entire tenure of marriage, I remained faithful and truthful to her alone.

To my 3 lovely children:
"I am sorry to 3 of you. Daddy did not give you a complete family. But don't worry, I am not going to leave nor forsake you all. All of you are my treasure and support as well. Give daddy one more chance. I missed your growing up, I am not going to miss your transition again. I want to see you through your college, going into the army, have your career, fall in love, get married with yhe one you love and have kids. Don't let my failure in marriage becomes your phobia. Daddy and mummy still loves you. It just that we couldn't stay together anymore. In the contrary, daddy still trust love, yearn for love and will still get into a marriage again. However, 3 of you are my main priority. Nothing can replace you all. I promise, if my new partner cannot accept you all, I will end it. Because I love you all."

Now, it's time to move on. I made countless mistakes in the marriage before. I am not perfect neither is she. We never get married with the intention to divorce. I am glad that this entire journey ended in peace and mutually respected agreements. 

I have matured and grown. I learn a great deal. I am also thankful to the pastors and friends who sacrifice their time to be with me. I will like to specially mention, Ps Yock Kiang, Ps Kenneth, Ryan, Daniel, Gwen, Shane, James, Genecia, Darryl and many more friends who helped me in one way or another. I appreciate it. If without you all, I couldn't have make it till here. Thank you for your continuous trust and encouragement. 

It has been 2 years and it is time to really move on. I had a great relationship which is history. I won't hide and neither will I deny the existence of this relationship before. If my new partner love me, love my past also. Our hope is in the future.  

For guys with similar plight like me, don't despair. I understand the feeling. It seems the world is crushing hard onto you and nothing seems to work. If you love her, continue courting her back, never give up and never stray just because she did not reciprocate. For all you know, it just take 1 second for her to re-accept you. That 1 second is near. 

For my future partner (whoever it may be), thank you for accepting me. I want to let you know you are not a replacement as a mother to my kids or as a life buoy to me. I love you the way you are.

For myself, having a failed relationship with 3 kids doesn't make me a second class citizen. It just means that I accept responsibility and will raise up the kids even as a single parent. I am not ashamed and I will not allow anyone to sympathy my kids. We are already together before you make it into our life. In fact, I should be proud of myself for this. It take courage to move on and even to engage in a new relationship.

I thank God for His grace and mercy. 

Leave me a comment if you will like to share. DO NOT criticize or judge. Remember, when all these happened, you are not there.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Nobody believed in me.

Nobody believed in me.

From Printing Legendary To The Trailblazing Coffee Retailer

Mr Ang, the founder & owner of Expressprint has an impressive track record of running and building a printing business. He graduated from Edith Cowan University with a Bachelor of Business, Double Major in Marketing & E-commerce. He single handedly started Expressprint in Jan 2005 with only $2000 and a mountain of debts. He did not have any knowledge and related experiences in printing at all.

The first Expressprint was started humbly in a small office withinanother company in an industrial park. However, with the skills, strategic planning and execution, Mr Ang managed "earn enough" to open the first retail print outlet in Chinatown Point barely within 3 months of the business. In the same year, he started the second Expressprint outlet in Orchard Plaza. Within the span of 2 years
(2007), Expressprint grew to 5 outlets in Keypoint, International Plaza, Tg Pager Plaza. It was also in the same year that Mr Ang was awarded with a Merit Award by ShellLive Wire as an outstanding young Entrepreneur. By 2008, Expressprint grew to 5 outlets in Sunshine Plaza, Golden Wall Center and Sultan Plaza. Expressprint was also nicknamed as the big brother in print.

As Mr Ang has started this business without any experience, he went through a lot stumbling blocks and discouragement. These experiences caused him to be strengthened further. It was also in the late 2008 that Mr Ang decided to leverage on the Internet to grow his business while shrinking in size. Currently, Expressprint received more sales from the Internet than from the combined sales of the 8 outlets.

Being an entrepreneur, Mr Ang understand the needs and frustrations that his fellow comrades in print & design faces. After years of preparation, Mr Ang is now ready to launch the "PrintEXpert" program to empower anyone who wish to profits from the print industry. This is possibly the one and only program in the market that you can leverageon to springboard your business.

In his early 30's, amazing Mr. Ang smartly utilized his knowledge and expertise in PrintEXpert, streamlined several more online businesses that helped thousands of individuals fulfilling their dreams of working anywhere, anyplace and anytime.

This multitasking, talented entrepreneur truly live his "creator" vision. Under some kind coincidence, a coffee spark went off in his soul. Mr. Ang brought together individuals who together with his
divine business acumen birthed forth COFFEE:NOWHERE (www.facebook.com/coffeenowhere).


Besides being featured on national papers, and live interviews, his passion was highly commended with a Merit Award by Shell LiveWire as an outstanding young Entrepreneur in 2007 jointly organised by Shell Companies in Singapore, the Institute of Technical Education, ITE Alumni Association and Singapore Press Holdings (Chinese Newspapers Division). The Shell LiveWIRE Awards aims to reward and raise the profile of outstanding young entrepreneurs in Singapore (read more @http://www.livewiresingapore.com.sg
Coffee Nowhere @ Mount Austin, JB, Malaysia
A true believer of a journey of excellence in everything he touches, within 6 months of birthright, Mr. Ang led COFFEE:NOWHERE to 4 countries and 6 outlets in Asia. This includes Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam and Indonesia.


Coffee Nowhere @ 44 Rochester Park, Singapore
Together with his partners in coffee, they continue to trail-blaze the market, emerging as market leaders in coffee, apparatus, and more.

From no-where to nowhere, Mr. Ang is a true inspiration and role model for his partners, sharing his acumen and vision in life & business. In fact, he set "LOVE" as his core in all that he do. That was how the overall LOVE:NOWHERE CSR was seeded.

To date, Mr. Ang owns more than 26 profitable businesses, of which several partnering with high profile individuals, bringing their businesses to greater heights.


When Mr. Ang is not at work, you can find him at COFFEE:NOWHERE drinking his favourite cup of coffee, and spending quality time with his beautiful 3 children.

“If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!” ~ Richard Branson


https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1zyWXO5gJXfoySILIo60FUucXkMtlPqbe2JP39qcQsog/viewform?usp=send_form

Exclusive session on 7, 9 and 12 July 2014.

LOCATION: 20 Upper Circular Road, #01-28, The Riverwalk, Singapore 058416